Anyone else often find themselves saying to their children to, “calm down, settle down etc”. Usually when we are busy and need some quiet- usually when I can feel heightened or overstimulated already. We often expect children to “calm down,” “focus,” or “use their strategies.” But the truth is, children can’t regulate in isolation!
Until a person has a matured nervous system which comes from plenty of experience and time- sometimes well into their 20’s, their nervous systems are designed to co-regulate with the adults around them. Meaning if you are feeling overstimulated, anxious, heightened and you are telling your child to calm down… they won’t be able to! This does not mean you need to be in a state of calm yourself to support them but it does mean that when a child is overwhelmed, they need to borrow our ability to ground down in that moment to help them find their calm.
Regulation isn’t a skill we can just teach, it’s a state children experience through connection with grounded adults around them. There are many ways we can do this and using our breath which is always with us is one of those ways. When we slow our breath, soften our tone, and offer safety, their nervous system begins to mirror ours. Over time, through these moments of safety and attunement, they learn how to come back to balance themselves when they feel heightened.
So before we ask a child to regulate, let’s first ask: “Am I regulated enough for them to help ground them?” One grounded adult can change an entire household or setting you’re in.
#ChildWellbeing #EmotionalRegulation #NervousSystem #Parenting #Education #TraumaInformed #BreathworkForChildren #CIC #MentalHealthAwareness #CoRegulation
Leave a Reply